I know that some day I will have the happiness in my life that I always dreamed about. I don't know why life has to be so hard, it does not seem like it should be this way. Maybe it makes us stronger as a person to know that we can overcome the difficulties that we face. I know that I have love and support and guidance from the most highest and I will never stop believing that there is all good waiting for me.

For you who gave me strength and faith. Also the guidance and determination to always follow through with what is in my heart. You were always there for me when I needed to talk or needed to just get out of the house. You told me to be calm and patient when I was upset. You yourself were always so calm with me so gentle. You loved me when I needed comfort.  Without you and your love I would not be the person that I am today. I learned so much from you and your kind heart.

And even though you are not here with me physically I know that you are here spiritually and that you will always be the one that I look to when I need guidance. I love you and miss you so much my wonderful grandma.

As I look back and remember the past I think of the girls and their friends running around the house, in and out the back door, swimming in the pool during the summer eating popsicle's that were stored in the refrigerator in the garage. Many sleepovers at our house and the ones at friends houses too.

During the fall going back to school. The class parties for friends and classmates birthdays. Parties to celebrate holidays. The class concerts the school carnival and all the other activities that you had. Sports and choir in high school.

Growing up in the most precious way that I could imagine. I miss those days, but know it is time for you to have those memories with your children. Keep them close to your heart and never let them go.

Matty

I miss your laughter, your smile, the brightness in your eyes. I miss the happy person that I fell in love with so many years ago. I look back over our lives and miss all of the things that we had not done. I know that there were some good times and I will always cherish those the more I loose you to the hurt and pain that we are going through right now.

The more I find out about what and who you are as a person now, the more I get angry that no one helped you thru the struggles of the Traumatic Brain Injury and now the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that has come over the years.

These are professional doctors and not one has even suggested that you have help for this especially knowing your history, knowing the changes that have taken place in you over the years. I tell them it falls on deaf ears.

I want my husband back. The girls want their dad back. All I can do is keep advocating for some one to help us.

I love you my darling and I will always be at your side forever.

To my girls Amanda and Colleen,

So much our family has gone thru, this is the most trying time of all. Your dad is struggling to come to terms with himself. Even after all these years he still is not able to accept what has happened after his accident. He is not the same person that you both knew as your dad. He is not even the same person that I have known for 38 years of my life. I want so much for all of our life to be the one we remember but that can't happen so I just go on and try to deal with what I can day by day. I pray every day that we all can at least have some sort of normalcy. I hope that some day you will both understand  your dad as he is now. Even with all that he is going thru he talks about you girls and misses you both, he also asks about all of his grandkids and wishes that he could get to know them. Keep dad in your heart and remember the good times that you had with him. And pray for him and love him for who he is now just as he loves you for who you are.